What am I hoping to gain from writing some obscure blog? What's my ultimate purpose? Why do I feel it's worth others listening to my opinion? Why did I need to spend the last 24 years to get to this point?
I do believe my chosen path in life was altered by a life or death "accident" so I'd choose to write about what I've learned and what I resisted. And if it holds true that a wise man learns from the mistakes of others, then perhaps I've gained much hard earned wisdom that can help those that seek.
For 33 years I vehemently believed God did not exist. Everything happens just as it's supposed to. After that accident, I was in a brief three and a half day coma when I believed "God spoke to me". I only remember feeling it was deeply profound, yet I couldn't remember a specific thing and was left extremely frustrated.
For 33 years I never believed in the possibility there was more to us than a physical body with a thinking mind that processes all information sent to it by our 5 senses. Why would I tell my younger sister I believed in prayer and knew people were praying for me when I woke from that coma?
Could it possibly add up to me finally rising to the surface of my awareness that I can help people at this time on earth? Possibly, but I'll never know for certain, and I too must follow my inner guidance. I've never been a "writer", and am doing it today with MUCH effort one would have no idea of, unless they too are overcoming great challenges. Mine are barely physical; they are receiving and processing information that I must then return unscrambled.
Emotional feelings have more energy and force than most choose to admit. Many take them for granted as being a part of this body and and never give it a deeper thought. I believe, our feelings "speak" unconsciously to the body system we carry around before we're even aware of them. I have no facts, per se, to base any of this on beyond the many, many book I've read, and to my own intense experiences. It's unfortunate how anecdotal evidence doesn't carry much validity for many people.
Yet isn't this probably the number one barrier so many people have between themselves and an understanding of, let's say, "God"? I'll say it again: I'm NOT a "Bible Thumper". I will always show you the power is within you as well as without. But how many are going to trust, or have faith, that it all comes down to an unshakable, beyond a shadow-of-a-doubt belief in the highest good for all (that you know of)?
It's almost impossible to have this kind of faith when you're relying purely on your own self, when you own mind is jabbering all the stuff that contradicts. To blindly have faith and trust in something we cannot see takes an incredible leap into the unknown. Most choose to be skeptical.
In mid 2003, a series of events, I had written down in the journal a good friend had given me for Christmas in 2002, began to expand my awareness, unfortunately to a point of ego obsession. When my prayer for our rented home not to sell, until our daughter graduated from high school, did sell only 12 days after she graduated, I was floored. Then the situations following became increasingly "connected" until I got myself flung into my own hell-on-earth.
That was ten years of my life prolonged in drama because, I believe, my ego had to continuously over-rule and not allow me to deal with evidence to the contrary. Wow, this is definitely where people may cease to "hear", because ego is what we think about ourselves, and those thoughts come from our mind.
Well isn't that where thoughts originate? I choose to disagree, especially since learning science is discovering heart muscle has it's own separate intelligence. This requires another leap into the unknown with the fortitude to follow what you feel on a level of knowingness. Does that make sense?
It's not blind faith, no it doesn't mean you don't control yourself; it means you can believe things occur because of an invisible energy created by thoughts and actions combined with everyone's energy surrounding you, which includes the unfathomable energy behind creation and evolution. Even the most intelligent skeptics shouldn't argue this point unless their ego rules them.
Digest this if you can until you can feel a sense of truth within you. And hopefully I can take you from that point forwards ~ because awareness IS curative.
Always ~ LL
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